Blindfolds, handcuffs and kettlebells…what?????

Guess what, friends???? In the last couple of years, I have done a shitload of research on group fitness and I can not find substantial evidence to support the fact that orgies are a suitable form of group fitness…. SO I have had to move my focus in another direction that is possibly just as entertaining and informative but you have to remain clothed. Meh… to each their own!

 

There are literally hundreds of reasons that group fitness is beneficial but I have a “top 5” and since I am the blogger, I get to preach!

 

  1. IT’S FUN- if you have attended any of our classes, you know that group fitness classes can make you laugh so much that you pee! (or maybe that’s just me?!) Aside from laughter, the music and the group of others motivating each other makes this a killer way to burn calories and tone.
  2. You are ACCOUNTABLE- whether you have paid for classes in advance or you are required  to sign up to hold your spot, this makes you accountable for your workout. It is a fantastic way to keep yourself motivated and there is very good chance that you won’t skip it!
  3. Taught by CERTIFIED trainers… so, not only are you getting taught proper form for each exercise but you are being taught by some  “expert biatches” that may or may not be some pretty sweet eye candy! Not a bad combo if you ask me!!!!!
  4. MOTIVATION- often, we show up to a fitness class completed exhausted by day to day life.  You my friend, are not alone. That is one of the greatest things about group classes. You all show up feeling the same and then you are recharged by the energy of each other.  Not to mention the friendly fitness instructor who will light a fire under your ass if the rest of the group isn’t enough!
  5. Its a SOCIAL outing- Group fitness is one of the best ways to meet people who have similar interests as you.  The increased feelings of wellness and confidence through social interaction have not only shown benefits to our physical health but also have a direct impact on our physiological health and this, my fellow biatches, means one less crazy ass woman f*cking up our trip to the local market.  

 

Let me finish this week by saying that a group of women with a common interest can literally take over the world.  This may start with a group fitness class…

Be Healthy Be happy, friends!

H2O Mutha f*cka!

 

Interesting fact about me #122: For some reason, whenever I say the words H2O, in my brain it is followed by the words “mutha f*cka” (in my best gangsta accent)!!!! I don’t really know why but it helps keep the topic less boring. Let move on….

When someone mentions an ailment to me, my first two questions are “When was the last time you pooped?” and  “How much H2O have you had today?” We have already talked about the importance of poop so I will leave that topic alone and focus on water!

Many ailments have a direct correlation to dehydration, for example, headache, stomach ache, feeling tired, depression, irritability and dizziness, to name a few.  In fact, your body only needs to lose 2% of its total body weight through fluid before some of these signs begin to appear.

So, how much H2O does the body require? Everyone will require a different amount of water per day depending on age,gender ,physical activity, health, ect. but  the general rule is that men need 2.5 Litres of water per day and women need 2.0 Litres of water per day. 70-80% of this should come from drinking H2O and the other 20-30%  should come from food.

 

So, you don’t like water? You get sick of drinking water? If this were coming from my kids, I would simply tell them to suck it up because water is life and (insert shock factor) without it you will die! However, that is not always appropriate advice and my kids understand my crazy sense of humour and quirks, so it’s a little easier for them to understand the shit that falls out of my mouth.  

Anyway, there are many things that you can add to water to make it taste better.  Lemons, limes, fruit, veggies, herbs, just to name a few. If adding things to the water doesn’t “get er into ya”, try a water challenge with your friends or family.  I send each of my kids a reusable water bottle to school every day and fill it to the top. After school, the excitement is to see who has emptied their bottle. I make muffins for the winner… which is everyone, every day. See what I did there??? I made it a game and it works.  Another thing that you can try is to label your water bottle with different times of day and pace yourself that way.

H2O (mutha f*cka) is life. We need it to for proper digestion, to metabolise fats, to transport nutrients, for circulation, maintenance of body temperature, to lubricate joints, flush out toxins,

and the list goes on. OHHHHHHHHH AND H2O improves your complexion and helps prevent your skin from sagging!  So, if the idea of nourishing your insides doesn’t get you on the water wagon, perhaps the fact that it will help keep you and your lovely bitches looking beautiful, will!

Until next time, friends…Be Healthy Be Happy!

170/95 ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME??!!!

My parents are getting a little older now and whenever possible, I like to attend appts with them just so I am clear on any information that they are given.  On this particular day, they booked appointments for the eye doctor and the family doctor and it was a day that I was stuck in appointments myself and was unable to join them.

My dad called around 5pm to give me an update from the appointments. He says that my mom’s eye prescription had changed and I think he actually referred to her as an “old bat”,  as he laughed and bragged that his eyes are just fine! He goes on to say that the family doctor was impressed with mom’s check up but was a bit concerned with dads blood pressure and wants to see him back in eight weeks.  I asked what his blood pressure was and then I almost fell to the floor…. 170/95. 

I immediately called the doctor to see if there was some mistake but unfortunately, my dad heard right. The doctor had given Dad some specifics to follow over the next 8 weeks and with my background being in health and wellness, I know that food is such an important component to your overall well being so I kindly made an 8 week meal plan for my dad and picked up a few groceries.  My dad was less than impressed but it was this or the possibility of death… he reluctantly obliged!

 

A normal resting heart rate for an adult should be from 60-100 beats per minute and a normal blood pressure reading is 120/80.  Many things can increase/decrease “your normal” but for the most part, these numbers are where you want to be and guess what? DIET is the best way to control your health and your blood pressure.  

A couple of years ago, I would have suggested that dad lived off of oats and cheerios for the next eight weeks but that’s not ideal… duh!   Foods low in sodium and high in potassium, magnesium and calcium are what you want to get in your belly!!! Fresh veggies such as Kale, Spinach and Arugula contain potassium.  Frozen veggies have about the same nutritional value as fresh but canned is often loaded with salt so its best to avoid them. Nuts, such as pistachios, hazelnuts and almonds also contain potassium and heart-healthy monounsaturated fats.   

Legumes are super duper healthy and have lots of magnesium.  Lentils, chickpeas and beans are just a few that you can add to your diet and there are so many ridiculously delicious recipes available.  Whole grains such as wheat, oats and quinoa also have magnesium as well as some fish, for example salmon and halibut.

Now let’s talk calcium.  Milk is often what comes to mind first  but you need to be drinking your milk in whole form.  Cheese is also another good food for calcium and another fantastic choice is broccoli!  

I could go on for days with food ideas and recipes but once again, I promise to be considerate and remember that people have so much more to do in a day than read my blogs.  If you are experiencing high blood pressure, your Dr. will be your bff but I am always available to help with ideas for recipes and tips on which foods can contribute to a healthier, happier you! Until next week,  friends!!!!!

When The Plague Hits The House

Last Saturday,  my next door neighbour decided to have a dinner party and invited all the houses on the street. Quite a few families came and we had a blast.  The kids played so well together and us adults, well, we played, too!

Sunday was full of regular shenanigans so I wasn’t able to post any pictures from the “epic night” until Monday morning. I woke up a few minutes earlier than the kids so that I can have my coffee and feed my social media obsession without distraction! Important right?! The first post I saw… THE PLAGUE HAD HIT THE NEIGHBOURS HOUSE… aka the influenza fucking virus (no, not the alcohol flu). My heart starts to pound as I am reading that they have had fluids spewing from every orpheus of their body for the past 24 hours. I am literally panicking. I work damn hard to prevent this flu asshole from stealing our thunder…

So, I immediately run to check on the vast supply of Lysol wipes that I keep under the sink (those bastards often wander) and then to the cupboard to see what flu killing foods I had on hand.  As I am scrambling through the lazy suzi, all I can think is that this life sucking beast is already inside all of us, just waiting to jump out and say BOO!!!

Between the pantry and the lazy suzi, things are looking ok.  Fresh garlic (kills the germ monsters on impact), tea (any kind will do but green tea is the pro when it comes to the flu), broth (you can add almost anything to it, and it will help flush your system and also give you some energy), coconut water (to sip on will help keep you hydrated), fresh ginger( will help the nausea and also aid in killing the bacteria in your system) and last but not least, whiskey… cause why not?!?!

Let’s be honest, I am not a doctor but I have a few kids of my own and there are ALWAYS stragglers lingering in the house somewhere. With this many kids in my space 24/7, I have learned that the key to avoiding the plague is prevention. Honestly, my meal plans are based around the plague prevention. It doesn’t ensure that we are 100% safe from the germs but it damn well helps!

What do we eat, you ask? I have a list of food that we eat regularly but I mix them into different foods so it doesn’t become boring. Our staple food is sweet freaking potato! It’s delicious and so versatile. Sweet potato encourages immune system cell growth and lots of other really awesome stuff. I always include citrus fruit with breakfast to make sure everyone gets their vitamin C. We snack on almonds after school because they are jam packed with antioxidants and also help fight off any respiratory infections that may be brewing.  We consume a shit ton of yogurt that contains live bacteria. Your largest immune organ is your digestive system and if it is functioning the way it is suppose to, it will flush out those nasty germ buggers in a hurry.

Spices are a massive flu preventative. I add that shit to everything. My kids peers often think we have gone on a world tour but nope… it’s just our pores seeping out flu prevention goodness. Everything from turmeric to cinnamon, thyme, sage and cayenne pepper.  I can list a bazillion more but I know y’all have shit to do so I’ll wrap it up here.

Prevention is the lesson to be learned here, friends, but when all else fails,  this info will help the germs be gone faster than a toupee in a hurricane.

Until next time…

Poop

Ladies, can we talk shit??? Wait… of course we can talk shit, we’re ladies.  Let me rephrase that.  Ladies, let’s talk about shit, poop, bowel movement, dropping the sharks off at the pool… however you want to refer to it! We all do it and we all need to be educated on the importance of…

The most common question that people ask about poop is how often should I be pooping?

Research agrees that we should all poop on the daily. 1-3 times a day is ideal but can vary from day to day. Poop is waste material and its your body’s way of removing toxins. Its gotta go. Bowel movements vary from person to person but if you are pooping 5+ times per day or less than three times per week, it’s worth mentioning to your doctor. It may be a subtle clue from your body that something is off.

What does your poop look like?

So, do you know what your poop looks like? Colour, shape, consistency? It may seem vomit worthy but you have to look in the toilet bowl. The most important part of a healthy poop is the quality. The “Bristol Stool Chart”  offers a visual but if you would rather swallow glass than take a peek, here is a quick explanation.  

Ssssssssnake shape, smooth and soft is the shiznit of shits. It’s the Cadillac of cars, the lululemon of workout gear, the Gucci of handbags. If your poop looks like this, your body loves you. Separate hard lumps, somewhat resembling rabbit poop means that you are severely constipated. Lumpy, sausage like poop means mild constipation. Soft blobs means that you need to add some fibre to your diet. Liquid expelling from your bottom doesn’t take a rocket scientist to determine the meaning but if this is happening to you, you have diarrhea.

Another important factor in your poops is the smell. No matter what your mama has told you, your shit will never smell like roses but if you just left the bathroom and had to use an entire can of air freshener to cover up that horrible stench, your poop is telling you something (usually diet related)!

A couple of other important notes: you should never have to struggle during a bowel movement. If you are able to create an entire page on pinterest, that way too long on the throne. A few minutes is all it should take to get that shit done.  Lastly, your pooping experience should never cause flashbacks of childbirth. There should be ZERO pain!

What can we do to improve our poops?

I am so happy you asked! 😉 Your DIET needs twerking! You can start with a little twerk if you need to but some sort of jiggle needs to happen, so start shaking what your mama gave ya! Eat healthy fats, drink that H2O, exercise, take a probiotic and a good old fashioned proper sleeping pattern with help!